Perfection is merely one’s idealistic view of what they desire to be, but perfection is only an opinion and varies in all individuals. Yet, in my opinion, humanity is getting further and further away from being perfect as a whole and in the big picture. That is the only common opinion every being should have in common, yet, we are too preoccupied with everyone else’s opinion of ourselves to base our own of the factors that really should matter.
I am not afraid! I am student of life! I embrace everything that it brings my way! I am not afraid of the thoughts that run through my head! I know they aren’t what the average person thinks of, but then again that is the gift I have been given. I don’t want to be of the norm! I don’t and I refuse to let myself be kept in the dungeon of ignorance no matter how blissful. I know I am not here to fix anyone, but the more minds I turn toward the direction mine has been traveling towards, the less alone I will feel! How do I do it? I know I am no more special than any other. I just consider myself lucky; For at times I feel as though I am not sane, but what is sane? Is it a label that’s been given by what is now called humanity’s common sense? I will start once again.. I will continue to write my thoughts, my lessens. The ones I have learned. The ones I want to teach. “God” knows I am no teacher, but I AM a student and who and what else is it better to learn from than my mistakes, my achievements, my victories, my discoveries, and of course my painful failures. I have discovered that I tend associate myself with individuals who are different than one would describe as normal. People with deep internal issues and battles. Whether if their battles was with life and its misfortunes or with themselves, I like to get in their heads, read what the have learned, see and make excuses for our disagreements. Oh god.. Oh whoever that will read this, Oh my “imaginary best friend,” Oh my own conscience, I speak to thee. It is so beautiful to be able to feel, to completely let go of what is fearful and embrace my mind’s capability to travel everywhere through my own thoughts. I just got chill running down my back and my legs on my face and fighting the tears from filling up my eyes. They are not tears of pain, and not tears of joy, but tears of overwhelming satisfaction and fulfillment. For being able to remove the block of my emotions and let myself be vulnerable, be crazy, be insane. Music is a perfect description of insanity. Music runs wild. At least a beautiful piece like (dovico Einaudi - Primavera ). It is so beautiful, painfull, joyfull, or any piece of Jon Hopkin’s work. Yet, I am not satisfied.
Oh I am not satisfied. I want to live everyone’s lives. You may pass by people in the streets. I want to feel what they have felt, the ugly, the rich, the poor, the unfortunate, but not the ignorant. They don’t interest me. I don’t want to live like narrow-minded people. I don’t even want to see through their eyes. I find no interest. I look at beautiful pictures of the most beautiful places in the world. I want to seeeee them!!!! That makes me cry.. Cause I am only capable of so much! Its unfair, but only fair I guess. I just feel as though the ones that can do it, DON'T! Perhaps its because they have never known what its felt like to be in my shoes, on the other side!!! They take all of it for granted! I want to meet that one tree sitting by itself on a little island, or in the middle of a desert and feel its story. I want to know my world, my earth. I want to feel its soil everywhere. I want to smell it and feel its history. I want to thank my planet. I want to connect with everything that it is and everything that has been a part of it! God why am I only a human!!! So pitiful. I wish I was a tree that would live for thousands of years, and would hear the worlds stories from all the birds and all the beings that would come and surround me.Yes the religious say to be thankful and don’t ask for more, but I cant help it. This is how I was created! YOU created me. If you are there, You know this. You are laughing at your own creation, howevere you do your laughing. But then again, your mind cant possibly work as pitiful as ours. You are probably laughing cause this all sounds so ridiculous to you! Well then I wont write to you :p lol yes I stuck my tounge at “god“! J lets see if you are going to chop my head by the end of the night! ;) What? Why cant I talk to god like this? I have spoken to "it" on soo many occasions. We are practically friends. In fact you are such a good friend. You listen so well. J Though I am grateful for not being any other human! Thank you for that! I would hate to be the majority of any being that’s been of my descendants!
Oh, YES! Most importantly, thank you for the gift you have given me! More than anything… ANYTHING.. Thank you for letting me hear music.. and see with my eyes… feel with not only my touch but with my heart and soul.. thank you for letting me taste life's tastey things things and letting me smell all of its wonders.. but mainly THANK YOU for letting me hear music! Thank you for letting me have my fingers to play the piano, giving me my voice, this everlasting istrument that I carry with me everywhere I go. Thank you soo much, but why did you create my heart this way? So strong yet soo weak. It wants what it wants and when it doesn’t get what it wants it just………. Breaks.. Over and over and over a thousand times. It never fully heals but it still keeps going and doesn’t stop!!! It has a good spirit!! It’s quite passionate! Thank you for that too J
Have you ever fallen in love with just the sound of music? and fell in love with its maker, just because they spoke through music the way you love to be spoken to? words afterall, can do only so much! They are our creation, and anything created by our own kind is full of flaws in comparrison to what the universe has created. I have fallen in love with the ones that have spoken to me through music about 3 times, as I have a peculiar taste.
When it comes to people.. Well.. Its been like this.. Like trying to fit yourself into a puzzle piece that doesn’t have the right little gaps to fit your bumps :/
Yes you still sit there and hope that there is one side that will fit perfectly into one of yours and if you are me..... you just wont give up..
